“Why don’t you take your pants off?” I asked my spouse.  “They seem like they’re bothering you.  Let it all hang out.  Or at least let…a portion of it all hang out.”

He had been pushing on his abdomen like it hurt.  “Ok,” he said.  He unhooked his belt.  He let his pants gape open without actually taking them off.  “I’m going to wash some dishes,” he said.

“Ok,” I said.  “What do you want, a Nobel Peace Prize?”

“No, I want you to know I’m going to wash dishes.  I didn’t want to wash dishes if you were listening to something,” he said.

“I’m not listening to anything,” I said.

“You were,” he said.

“Nope, not me,” I said.  “Zero listening.  Sorry there are a lot of dishes.”

I’d made rice in the morning with tempeh, kidney beans afterward, quinoa, and cauliflower soup with tofu.  Also I had a hand in my spouse’s pasta.  Well, not literally.  I just added salt to the pasta water, and encouraged him to use the last of the jar sauce.

sex earlier

“What do you want today?” I asked my spouse in bed.

“I wanna put my dick in your cunt, balls deep,” he said.

“Whaaa?” I asked.

“Yeah, I wanna put my dick in your cunt and slap my balls against you,” he repeated.

“Ok,” I said.  “Sounds possible.  How would you like to do that?  Would you like to put coconut oil on your dick and fuck me right now?  Or would you like to touch my cunt for a while so it gets all squishy and fuckable?”

pet vs pat

“Will you pet my cunt lips?” I asked my spouse.

He pat my cunt lips, which felt nice.

“Do you even know the difference between pet and pat?” I asked.  For years this has been a question in our relationship.

“Uh, which one am I doing now?” he asked.

“Wow,” I said.  “You have no idea, do you?”

“No,” he said.

I thought of how you pet pets, but it’s true–you can pat pets also.  Especially a large dog, I have often patted, or a horse.  Hmm, I guess I don’t have a good way to help him remember.  This must be a battle I will never win.

Luckily we both win because patting and petting are both desirable.


Lately he wears the pants in the family.  I wear skirts and shorts almost always.

Most years he transitions to shorts by the time the special cactus flowers bloom.  The transition is a stresser, and so much else is going on to stress him out, he can’t take the risk of shorts.

He’s embarrassed he’s bow-legged.  But I think it’s cute.

By Nest

Curious, disabled Earth Goddess, telling the truth.

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