What is your sex drive origin? Did it form from early experiences of violation? Did it form from seeing happy relationships around you in your family and neighborhood? Was it the media? Older kids who taught you what valuable is and what’s worth it, as you rode bikes or played video games in someone’s basement?
sex drive origin
I get the feeling most cis men I know had their sex drive origin in the form of commercials for Jack in the Box and posters of young, curvy women in bikinis, wearing lots of eye makeup and a seductive look. Plus lots of bad porn.
Those young women washing cars, with the sudsy sponge dripping from the bucket–just to sell some hamburgers–are what affected them most deeply and rule a big part of their life.
Something tells me that’s not going to work out too well. Most women are nothing like that. And as a man gets older, the women in his age range are really, really not like that.
ad agency
If your sex drive is determined by the work of an ad agency in the 1980s, wouldn’t you want to unhook that? The train car of your love, libido, and relationship possibilities doesn’t belong attached to that old, creepy engine. Wouldn’t you notice it wasn’t going well for you and do something about it?
It would be best for everyone, if you grow up and teach your dick to want something other than airbrushed supermodels in high heels.
Or you could just stay a child forever. It’s ok to be a child inside, but it’s not ok to lie about it. If you went around telling women: “I will act interested in you to get your support and for some idle amusement, but I actually want an 18 year old in a swimsuit who’s washing a car in a driveway…” What would women say?
Of course men who are that stunted lie about it. No cis man is admitting how fucked up he is inside.
sex appeal
You can teach yourself to see other kinds of bodies as ok and desirable. Drop what your culture taught you, and see a person as a person. This is an animal before you, breathing, with a heartbeat like you. Full of specific nuance and needs.
Attending to who they are is an honor. That they would take off their clothes for you, to be close to you, is a great honor. Respect them.
You can look at naked pictures of regular people. It’s possible to learn to see fat as neutral or beautiful. Pretend you’re a massage therapist. It’s not that a body exists to give or not give you a boner. A body is a miracle–so much came together, to form this person. You can learn to see that as it is, without the filters over your eyes. TV trained you, but you can untrain yourself.
acceptance
I used to see fat as wrong: irresponsible, unhealthy, not ok. My own body panicked me. It’s been a long journey, learning to accept all bodies as valid, including mine.
Who is valuable enough for you to actually love? If you don’t love anyone, stop pretending you love everyone. I hate the huge ruse that is your entire life.
You’re not smarter than all women–you’re certainly not smarter than me. Decent people see through your act and won’t participate, so you’ve left with a bunch of manipulative selfish users, like you. You pretend everyone is like that, so you’re justified in treating us like toys. But no one should be treated like a toy.
Fuck off, far off. You’ll never use me again. All the goodness I saw in you, I put there. You’re a sham, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
I know you’re ashamed of yourself for a moment, tail tucked between your legs and a tear in your eye, until the next distraction. Then you’re off running, like the dog you are, to chase whatever smells good. I would call that a loser: someone who can’t maintain their attention span long enough to love.
