This poem “craziness and consent” is mostly about disability and family pain.
craziness and consent
does consent count
how crazy is too crazy
when I’m in another mood
altered state
another world
unshared reality
my spouse tried to do it with me
he takes no for an answer
and never shamed me
for anything
but if I don’t know myself?
panic in the night
who’s there for me
when my family is tiny
and my relatives
are in another biome
never knew me anyway
I see pictures of them
on facebook and cry
we share blood ancestors
and bad memories
if you uproot someone
you have to expect
we’ll wither and die
away from our homelands
but I couldn’t live where
the suffering piles up
like strata we can’t unlayer
though the rocks crack
and scatter during
earthquakes shaking the sense
folding upon itself
the town my mom birthed me
I learned how to walk
multi violenced and violated
grandparents buried by
the olive tree with the wind chimes
how could I not be crazy
everyone around me
was pointing a finger at somebody
they crushed the most powerless
I couldn’t defend me
smallest voice
biggest broken heart
dripping pain
so I was pinned
with the biggest diagnosis
I became the bad example
they threw the darts at
of “at least I’m not as crazy as”
who never had children
or a house
or that entitlement
I don’t want to go shopping
I have something
more than objects
and money
my relations
live on beer, Jesus, football, denial, and chocolate
I’m sorry your center is missing
you can try
religion there
or something from the sale papers
but there’s where love belongs
Mother Earth could nurture you
but you’re too busy
making a BBQ
your prayers aren’t flying
up into the sky
with the smoke
