seductive

Hello, I have a struggle.  It’s that I feel very wholesome.  I try to be something other than wholesome, like I try to have a facial expression and body posture that’s seductive, but it doesn’t work.  Yes, I can be naked, half-naked–doesn’t matter.  Still I have a wholesome vibe, and sometimes I wish I didn’t.

Do you have this difficulty?  Or maybe you’ve known other people with this issue.

wholesome

What is wholesome?  To me, it’s kindness, caring, wanting what’s best for everyone, good hearteness.  Steady, solid, firmness–groundedness might be part of it too.  I can’t set down my value that all people deserve respect.  Especially during sex, I need everyone to be ok.

It can look like naivety, a childlike trust, wide-eyed willingness to believe.  Maybe a girl next door quality.  “Corn fed cowgirl,” I heard as a descriptor.  I was never a cowgirl, but maybe wholesome could be like that, with a can-do attitude.

selfishness

In contrast, I’d say that being seductive has an edge of selfishness and maybe even deception.  The “come hither” look can be the look of a temptress who knows she’s not in your best interest, but it doesn’t matter.  Or the spider trying to attract a fly.  It can involve costuming like black leather, latex, lipstick, or just a direct skimpiness of dress.

Maybe I need different costuming?  But I really don’t want to wear cliche seductive clothes, which is why I don’t.

I could ask my friend to teach me how to apply makeup–eyeliner might go a long way.  But my face isn’t really for that.  My sensory issues mean makeup is hell.  It feels very uncomfortable.  Later I forget I’m wearing it and absentmindedly rub my eye, ruining the look.

reassuring

I want to be reassuring and help people feel safe.  That seems wholesome; I feel like a den mother or just a mother, in a way.

Are you the right temperature?  Did you have lunch?  Is that bag too heavy?  Please don’t carry that alone.  My goal is community care with mutual aid and deep concern–a world where all are loved.  I can’t turn that off.

Seduction seems unconcerned.  “You may be in danger from the hotness of my body.  That’s not for me to worry about.”

man

I think of a man I loved, how charming he was.  The seductive quality was not in anyone’s best interest, even his.

Did he practice that look?  Maybe his eyes just did that, especially when he was high.  Half-closed, so beautiful, as if he knew a delicious secret.  Some secret about pleasure that I never learned.

Well, I know things about love and intimacy that he’s never learned.  Being responsible means I can have real relationships.  He could only manage using people and fleeting fuckery. I hope he does learn about love someday.

witch

Sometimes I wish I could be seductive, but I like myself as I am.  I’m a witch, and always the good witch–so be it.