I had a realization about my spouse. It’s a big deal because it affects my sexual behavior.
realization
The two women I can think of who’ve pursued my spouse, over the past few years, would have been so destablizing for our family if my spouse had pursued them back. Recently we learned that one of them has bad behavior in relationships, with stalking and lack of boundaries. The other admits to manipulating and using people, and she has a cruel streak.
Both of these women are much younger than my spouse and are white. Both have mental health issues, which is absolutely fine. But they used that fact to try to connect with us in a disability justice kind of way, which could have been confusing.
I already knew these things: the important realization is related to kindness. My spouse not pursuing these women was so brilliant and kind to me. You know he could have said, “Why not give it a try? Maybe a relationship with me would turn out different.” Or he could have said, “At least I might get some thrilling sex, as the relationship forms then dissolves.” If I had not been in the picture, he could have made poor choices and become close to these women in a curious way.
But my spouse knew it would make our life more difficult, and he spared me. Realistically, he spared himself also.
realization
The realization part was deep gratitude for my spouse’s smart, unselfish choices, and that I should compensate him for not pursuing the problematic women. My compensation should be in the form of blow jobs–many, many delicious blow jobs. I will take his dick down my throat countless times. All the sex he could have enjoyed with these women, as the relationship formed and fell apart, I should give to him!
Great realization, huh? Sounds fun. It’s the least I can do. Think of all the drama we avoided: the screaming matches that didn’t happen–the tires an angry lady didn’t slash. The STI my spouse didn’t catch and pass along to me. The accusations and restraining orders. Wow, so much harm that never was.
Reminds me of public health, all the epidemics that were averted. It’s hard to kindle gratitude for problems we can’t observe since they never were. But I’m blessed with a great imagination.
thank you
So thank you, loved spouse, for prioritizing the stability of our family over fleeting pleasure for your dick. Your kindness and responsibility shine.
I recognize your goodness and suck your dick readily, so it can come a lot in a safe place, not a place of sexual drama.
