Friend Love comic by Clover via ohjoysextoy.com
I need friend love: stabilizing, fun, plentiful, healing. There are many people I call friends, and I usually love each friend in a unique way. Special love is kindled just for them.
Hopefully the relationship is happy and reciprocal. I do my best, but sometimes I don’t know how to be. I try to keep things balanced and sustainably fun. But my emotions are intense! I have differences and social idiosyncrasies–sometimes my needs seem weird.
Friend love is usually great. But it can get painful when needs and capacities don’t line up right, or communication styles don’t match.
I don’t set out to date. Crushing on friends and falling in love with them happens. My spouse, I never intended to fall in love with. We were friends, and we found one another more and more charming. Our hugs got longer, and we were so thrilled by one another, with sexual desire. Then we were in love and had to figure out what to do.
My ex-husband was monogamous, and we had been unhappy together for a long time. I broke up with him to live with my spouse. It worked out great for all of us, but the first year was difficult. I still loved my ex, and I didn’t want to leave him behind. But he needed a life without me, to find new love and move on. Losing him was an intense process.
Friends who need things super defined make me nervous. I don’t want to hurt them by feeling the wrong way. Often my love doesn’t stay in its lane. My cunt aches with desire at all sorts of times, and if a friend needs me to never want them sexually, or never think of them in a certain way, I can feel uncomfortable. Am I doing wrong, to want them somehow, today?
Sexual desire is part of my life. I don’t keep sexual energy or needs confined to the bedroom. Of course I’m not going to be inappropriate with anyone who’s not of age, and I don’t wish to be sexual with relatives! But otherwise, I could feel a twinge of this or that toward anyone.
I love boundaries and consent–I’m not going to act harmfully to violate anyone. Otherwise, impulses and feelings roam freely. I need freedom to feel how I feel, because if I get scared I’m feeling or thinking the wrong thing, that’s painful. I’m happy to be careful with my behavior, but I can’t be careful with my inner world. I need freedom for my feelings.
I relate to the friend love comic because feelings and desires are not something I freak out about. Finding people attractive is a normal part of life. Love is desirable.
I’m going to freak out about violence, injustice, and harmful uses of power. Desire and tenderness are a joy, and I welcome them. With clear, honest communication, we will be ok, with whatever comes up.