“Your back is so beautiful,” I said. It was 5:30 am, and I’d been up for a few hours already. I came back to bed to wake up my spouse.
I’d taken off my shirt, and I cuddled close to him. I was cold, and he was so warm, snuggled in bed.
“Pretty, pretty pumpkin,” I said, and I kissed the smooth skin of his back, light brown and soft.
“Pretty pumpkin,” he sleep-mumbled, loving me with reciprocity.
“Your back is so beautiful,” I said, kissing his shoulders and feeling the smoothness with my lips. “Even if I only got your back, it would be enough.” It’s so long and safe, such a good place for me to find comfort.
My legs were cuddled to his legs also, my abdomen to his ass, and my cold hands were roaming over his tummy and chest and side.
“It’s not normal, to be this beautiful,” I said.
“Mmmmm,” he said.
I’ve told him before, “You’re too beautiful. You’re throwing off the curve!” But it’s not a contest, is it. We can get all different flavors of A.
I don’t owe being beautiful to anyone. Being pleasing to the eye is not what I’m on earth to do. Mother God sent me here for other purposes! But I will be beautiful too, if I can, in a fat, crazy, disabled, languagey way, as my hair turns gray. If we’re lucky.
Sometimes life is a blur. All the good sex is mixed together in my mind, hot memories of love and the light of orgasm shining too bright in my head. Night comfort–day comfort. Long, undulating orgasms that challenge me. I’m changed. I try to be very quiet, as I gasp, thrash, writhe, and repress yelps from my open mouth.
Yesterday, yes–coconut oil I rubbed on his dick. When he came down my throat, and I felt loved. The day recently I realized my right knee is adequately healed, so I can climb upon him again, to rub my cunt on his dick. For a few months, it had hurt too much. I’m healed!
Sex is one of the most healing things I know. I can pray, cry, connect to my dear one with love, feel overwhelming pleasure, process trauma, practice trusting someone, and open my very body to another. It combines all the embodied healing modalities!
Energy is flowing between us. I’m very lucky to have a kind spouse to fuck me whenever I want and sexually collaborate.
Ten years on this path with him, I’m certain that sex is as valid a method of enlightenment as any. My happiness deepens.