poem theory

reasons I’m saying no

I can only be close to people who like to communicate.
I can’t afford to be abused.
I’m crazy disabled and need my resources for myself.
my mom didn’t form my body in her body to be harmed.
my mom told me to get the fuck away from him.

my body isn’t his to use.
my heart, mind, life, resources aren’t his to use.
he’s never been there for me in a good, consistent way.
he takes without giving.
he thinks that’s ok and he’s the favored baby.

my needs matter.
he’s not what’s best for me.
he’s a drain on our family.
I deserve love in abundance, not eked out with an eyedropper.
I can’t put my spouse at risk or waste his resources either.

he’s never been concerned about how he’s hurt me.
he treated me as not important, valuable, or having worth.
I don’t matter to him.
I can’t continue an addiction process with him.
he’s wasting my time and doesn’t deserve my sacrifice.

I never saw him clearly–I loved a version that doesn’t exist.
he doesn’t cherish or treasure me as I deserve.
if he wanted to help me, it was with his own agenda, not mine.
he used my writing in fake collaboration.
he’s all about himself.

he does pleasure without meaning.
he’s misogynist, sexually hurting people more vulnerable than him.
he deceived, rejected, neglected, and used me.
I’m still suffering for his selfish behavior.
he dodges the truth.

it’s not ok to act like a teenage boy when you’re a grown man.
we didn’t connect about plants.
he’s just after a cheap thrill.
felt unsafe when we excited one another toward mania.
I didn’t enjoy his drug use or breathing his cigarette smoke.

I don’t need him.
I wasted too much energy already, on him.
he’s a walking crisis, all need.
love based on deceit is empty and pointless.
his well-being isn’t more important than mine.

he doesn’t pay enough attention to me to know me.
he’s not curious about me.
he’s entitled.
the shallow way he does relationship is annoying.
I can’t support someone who uses women.

he lost the rings, ignored questions, didn’t thank me for art.
I’m uncomfortable with his recklessness.
the actions and gifts I saw as love were manipulation.
he doesn’t bring out the best in me.
I attributed a lot to him that he didn’t do.

other people deserve the love I have to give.
many good people appreciate me with way more skill.
I don’t need validation from white men.
I’m good right now, and his opinion of me means nothing.
I can’t love potential–I have to face the person who’s really there.

his emotional intelligence / skill / follow thru are nil.
he has nothing substantial to offer me.
I’m afraid of introducing him to people he’ll also use.
he’s erratic, irresponsible, random, and I don’t trust him.
it makes zero sense for me to be close to him.

I can’t be close to people who are in domestic violence.
the dreams never told me he wanted me or could be real with me.
I deserve to be close to people who build me up.
I did all the work of keeping the relationship going.
he sucked me dry, and I need that energy for my life’s work.

I list these reasons I’m saying no to help me stay strong and I remember why I choose to put my eggs into safer baskets.

By Nest

Curious, disabled Earth Goddess, telling the truth.

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