“Is eel a fish?” I asked my spouse.
“Yes,” he said.
“Oh, are you sure?” I asked. “Seems different.”
“Maybe you’re thinking of lampreys,” he said.
I was thinking of nasty tube animals with toothy mouths. Animals to dodge, for sure.
“I could try one,” I said. We were at all you can eat sushi, and he was getting full just as his final roll arrived. I wanted to lighten his load.
“You don’t have to,” he said.
“Is that avocado with it?”
He poked out the contents of a piece of roll with a chopstick. “Yeah, avocado,” he said.
“I’ll try one I said.” He put a piece into my mouth. Felt romantic.
Chew chew chew. “Hmm,” I said.
A family had arrived, with a small child. The kid was demanding and loud. I was much less comfortable.
“It’s ok if you need some time,” I told my spouse. “I’m going to order honey toast. So we will be here a little while yet.”
“Do you like it?” he asked.
“Good? Yes. Worth killing one of God’s creatures? Not sure. I would have the tofurky version. Eel-furky.”
My spouse took this in.
“I knew you were full before you did,” I said. “I could tell by the way you touched yourself. Like I know when you’re sleepy before you do.” We smiled.
“Maybe how I also know when you’re horny before you do,” I said I laughed. Well, he’s always horny.
“I know you’re going to come before you do also. Well, you say, ‘I’m going to come,’ and if my mouth wasn’t full, I’d say, ‘I know.'” We smiled.
I looked to our left, where one lady was sitting at the table by the door. Maybe I should not say things like that in a restaurant.
“Well, every once in a while you surprise me–always pleasantly.” Yes, I welcome his semen, every day. “But some people don’t like that. It’s good to give a warning. If you startled me, wouldn’t want to give me a negative association.”
My spouse agreed.
Been thinking how the joker house guest changed things between us. It’s normal that adding someone to the mix will throw things off. This time, it’s been good.
Recovering from that situation makes me appreciate my spouse anew; the house guest couldn’t do so many things my spouse can. Communicate, be honest, show up for love, follow through, do relationship, care for my well-being skillfully and long-term. Help me feel safe enough to do love to the fullest extent of my being. It’s joyful, to feel safe enough to do something Advanced, because I can fully unfurl.
one in a million
I know I’m not supposed to compare. But how could I not? My good friend told me that my spouse is one in a million, so almost everyone is going to pale in comparison. Yes, true so far.
Another good friend told me the problem is, everyone has problems. It’s just a matter of which problems you’re willing to put up with. She chooses to be alone, because she can’t take the problems of anyone besides herself.
Sometimes I think the way I do relationship and intimacy is a journey toward everyone’s extreme issue. We get closer and closer until we find a place of pain. A shallower relationship would never get there–you could just be activity partners indefinitely. But I’m here to do intimacy.
“You’re one in a million also,” my spouse told me. Hmm, maybe. Yes, he has a point. We have a respectful, fun relationship that changes and lasts, both of us brilliant and willing.
I see people expend energy on deceit. In my experience, it works way better to expend energy doing truth together. Similar amount of work, but much better outcome. It’s vulnerable, to tell the truth. But what are you on earth for?
I’m here to feel pleasure, serve, be close to Mother Earth, tell the truth, and love. Love is so much work that it doesn’t make sense to do it, based on lies.
Love based on lies is boring and pointless. There’s no tootsie roll center of that tootsie pop–the owl is wasting her beak crunch. There’s nothing there.
I’d never asked my spouse if we could go to sushi just the two of us. It was always because someone else wanted to. Feels good to want something new. I didn’t need the eel, but I loved everything else. Changing together feels good, to stay vibrant.