smut theory


“Maybe you should elevate your knee.  If you want to lie down for a while, I could help you enjoy that time.”  I smiled.  “I could increase the bloodflow to your organs!  Probably more so a different organ than your knee.  But your blood would be flowing to all the organs!”

“Hmm!” my spouse said.

We were giggling.  “I have no problem doing that for you,” I said.


Later we got smoothies and walked at a park–his knee was feeling much better.  Somehow we were hugging by the car, and we kissed.  “Can you taste my smoothie on my lips?  Or just smell it?” I asked.

“I can taste it,” he said.  He held me and kissed me again, and he slipped his tongue into my mouth.  I was thrilled.

“You gave me a boner,” I said.  “My clit is all glowy.  I can feel it.”

He liked that and kissed me again.  Usually he gets a boner faster than I do, but I was winning.  I wanted to move his hand to my breast, but there were people around.

“Someone’s going to tell us to get a room,” I said, as we hugged more.  I thought of how people can feel uncomfortable, watching a couple in love.  Yes, it’s been ten years, and we’re so in love.


I took a shower when we were home again, and I was lying in bed afterward,.  My legs were spread wide open, the fan blowing on my cunt.  That’s my standard practice, to dry off.  It feels so luxurious, all clean and relaxed.

My spouse came to visit me, and I asked him if we could make love before we went out again.  I asked him to take off his clothes.  “Maybe not like a full on sexual situation.  Maybe just a little bit,” I suggested.  I was not feeling well emotionally, and I didn’t know how sex was going to feel with my sadness.

He was very interested in having sex before we went out again and was happy to take off his clothes.  First I asked him to gently touch the fur of my cunt.  I felt loved, to be petted like that.

Then I asked him to pat my cunt.  “You’re the only one who ever did that to me,” I said.  “The other people, we were so young.  You’re the only one who knows what they’re doing.  We’re both sex geniuses.”

A lot of people seem to love sex, yet run from it.  My spouse and I have both studied sex and run toward it, for sure.  I like that about us–sexual integrity.

to hear

“Is there anything you’d like to hear from me?” I asked my spouse as we lay in bed naked and close.

“Tell me you wanna suck my dick,” he said.

“I wanna suck your dick,” I said.

“Yeah,” he said.

“I wanna suck your dick every day of my life.  Would you like that?” I asked.

“Yes,” he said.

“I love sucking your dick.  Before, I used to think I only wanted women.  If I was with a man, I was like–what’s the point of this body, with no breasts?  But then I met you.  And I learned what a dick is for.  I had no idea.  You showed me how a dick can be wonderful.  You’re the most fun.  You showed me this fun.”

“Mmm,” he said, happy.

“I love you.  You’re amazing.”

“You’re amazing,” he said.


“Is there anything else you want me to tell you?”

“Tell me you like my dick’s size,” he said.

“Oh yes.  I love your dick’s size.  It fits inside me just right.   It’s perfect.  Any bigger, and it would hurt me.  Any smaller, and it would not push down my throat so well.  Your dick is beautiful.  I’m in love with your dick,” I said.

He liked hearing all that.

“I like the ridges, the definition of its ridges.”  As I told him this, I was touching his erection, fingering those ridges gently, and he quietly moaned.  “I like how easily you get a boner, and how generously you share your body with me.  I like that you get hard for other people, but I’m not scared of losing you.  Feels honest, and also safe.”


I’m so lucky he makes time to fuck me as much as I want.  We try new things like the recording I made of myself masturbating.  We keep learning and having fun together.  His openness, curiosity, honesty, and emotional stability are a gift.

He gives me the sex I’ve been looking for since I was ten years old, wishing a strange man would attack me in a parking lot.

I spent so many years of my life searching for sex that would rend me.  Truly I needed to be torn apart, to find someone safe to do the unsafe with.  This gorgeous, attentive lover filled with kindness is the absolute best.  He only hurts me if I ask him to.  Our communication is stellar, despite his language learning disability.

He’s willing to do the work to get the reward.  My body and thoughts, a good life with me–that’s the best reward.  I see other people expend a metric ton energy fucking around.  They could be expending energy doing truth and being real.  Not sure why they expend energy on deceit–truth feels way better.

vibrant, fertile safety

He’s totally here for me, but it’s not a boring predictable situation like I thought happiness might be.  It’s exciting, to be honest.  I never had that before.  If I felt safe before, it was false, based on denial.

This safety is vibrant and fertile, the way nonviolence is not passive.  Nonviolence is a thing we do actively, showing up and staying real, for peace.  The safety my spouse and I share is rich, filled with nutrients–dark, fertile ground for love to grow.

I’m so lucky his insecurities and angers aren’t wrapped up in his sexuality.  Every man I ever did it with had intense wounds on their sexualities that made them hurtful.

I’m so lucky my spouse is not a man.  He fucks me with total love.  Whether it’s sweet or nasty, he’s motivated by desire for our mutual well-being, and I trust him.  He wants what’s best for both of us and works toward that every day–you can’t fake that.

I love his dick, each knee, his kindness, his hugs, and all of him.  A gratitude pours out of me that no one else understands.

By Nest

Curious, disabled Earth Goddess, telling the truth.

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