This meme is playful, the reasons to be poly, and this brain ranking. It’s not to be taken seriously–the point is the D&D joke at the end. But I saw my reasons are not on there.
My main reason to have open relationship is resilience through diversity. It’s a permaculture concept. I wish for a larger family–full-time, part-time, imaginary. I need my eggs in multiple baskets. Single-sourcing feels unsafe, like a monocrop.
community
I’d believed intentional community was resilience through diversity, until I lived in community for some years. I learned these people will come together with me to do certain projects. The projects can be meaningful, help people, and give joy to my life.
But less joy now. The community I live in is not ready to respect, love, and care for the person I am. My disabilities are glossed over, and my needs are eyed with skepticism. Needs are considered problems rather than opportunities for love.
My community members will posture sometimes, that we’re doing true love together, when it’s advantageous for them. Actual care for other people is a performance to help them look good, not the deep, soulful work that gives their life meaning.
I tried giving true love to them, and they’re not really interested. Glimpses are accepted, but they’re looking for real care from their relatives mostly, and some outside friends. Community is not what I expected.
Oh well. I tried. I can’t expect people not to be people. Always learning who I am, who other people are, how to listen to behaviors more than words. It’s a mystery, how to do social. Maybe I’ll figure it out by the time I die.
dignity
The other main reason I have for open relationship is justice. Open relationship respects the inherent dignity of all people by recognizing our freedom. I don’t want to control anyone, except myself. Part of honoring the mystery of any person I love is recognizing that they freely choose me and could choose anyone.
I’ve heard trust is the basis of relationship. Not sure that’s true. I would say maybe honesty is–two or more people coming together, as we actually are, to do Truth together. This is who I am. Let’s have fun building a joyful life together, as we really are.
Or I would say freedom is the basis of all relationships, or any relationship I’ll participate in. I’ve been in situations where someone was trying to trap me, and I’m never doing that again. Freedom is my number one core value for a lot of reasons.
Love, connection, intimacy, inter-dependence, community, and pleasure are great, but if they’re not happening within freedom, I can’t do it.
reasons
What are your reasons, for the relationship style you favor? Are your reasons for being poly or open in the meme?
If you’re monogamous, do you think single-sourcing will keep you safe? Maybe that’s just what’s comfortable for you. Or maybe you can do different styles, and you’re monogamous-ing for a special person who needs that.
other reasons
Other big reasons to be poly I’ve seen are free childcare, political influence, habit, because another person wants to try it. A relationship is failing or one aspect is lacking, so the people look elsewhere for actual pleasure and fun while maintaining their home life.
One I really like that I haven’t mentioned here is not needing to hide shit. Many monogamous relationships are made possible by one or both participants having affairs. They need extramarital activities, but won’t be up front about that.
I’m with my spouse because I really like him. I enjoy telling him everything. We talk a lot–he knows how I feel about everything and everyone. If I have a crush on someone or am thinking about someone a lot, he knows that. Or if someone’s hurting me or bothering me.
Keeping him in the loop of my inner life and outer life is why I’m here.
sex as LARPing
I had the idea of sex as LARPing. Well, some bdsm definitely is live action role play. Geekery with an intense charge energizing it.
I don’t play D&D, but I’ve enjoyed some storytelling games. In the backroom of a breakfast restaurant long ago. I hope we can do that again one day. Love to the gamers.
