Someone online mentioned this Relationship Bill of Rights, and I took a look, not expecting anything helpful there.
Wow, I was blown away. So many good facts collected beautifully. It’s on a polyamory website, but many of the rights apply to monogamous relationships too.
https://www.morethantwo.com/relationshipbillofrights.html
I like to read this list and pause after every item. It’s a pleasure, imagining each one. What does it look like, to be able to say no? What really is violence? How many people tell the truth, to their partners?
truth
Yes, deceit is a red flag. During our very first phone call, my friend told me he lied to his girlfriend. I noted that with a cringe and was like, ugh–should I really be friends with this person? Then we became close friends, and I fell in love with him. Ask me if that was a good idea.
I really like some of the combinations, on this rights list. Privacy is sacred to me–so is the truth. Swirled together, they are super delicious. It feels great to have all the privacy I want, like knowing my spouse will not snoop in my phone or read my journal without my permission. Trust with the truth means there wouldn’t be a need for any snooping.
But really, I have a life. I can look at my own phone. Even wanting to snoop in my spouse’s stuff would be a huge red flag. One of the main reasons we’re together is I like talking with him. Why would I live with someone and share my life with him if I didn’t want to tell him the truth?
healthy
When I read this relationship bill of rights, it feels refreshing! Like opening the window and getting lovely clean air in. Like a fresh beautiful nopales salad.
Through my family and popular culture, there’s so much fucked up emotional bullshit, I learned all my life. It’s fun to see something lively in a list like this. These rights, I want to write them down each on a card and make a Healthy Relationship Deck.
It would be fun to read with a partner and have a conversation. I guess the one I object to the most is about knowing beforehand what a relationship’s rules will be. We’re all in relationship, and if things didn’t change, that would be unfortunate. Change is my favorite.
capitalism
Actually, having freedom in relationships–freedom to leave, try new things, take risks with housing–can depend on how much money someone has. Capitalism keeps most people subsisting.
In order to have true freedom in relationships, you need enough money to get your own place, maybe move to another town, afford to rent a truck. Relationship oppression is one thing–capitalism oppression is another. So if you get the chance, please resist capitalism also.
thank you
Thank you for choosing to be kind to all people, especially the people you’re closest to, and prioritize the well-being of yourself and your darlings.
