Someone on a kink group I like asked about big age differences in relationships. I saw a bunch of answers from grown men in their 40s doing it with young early 20s women, saying how great it was to dominate these young women, as they’re so pliable and eager to learn!
Someone said he only likes women who are 18-20. He said women older than that are boring and not in a similar place as the older man.
That range of person–wow. I’m trying to think how that can be a good thing. To catch young women when they’re most likely not to have learned about boundaries, saying no, what’s really important to them. The men can get what they want, without having to worry about resistance. Yuck!
Don’t our brains not finish developing until we’re 25 or something? Damn. Yeah. I always found 18 a weird age, chosen as adult. Consent is huge.
It may be possible to do that in a moral, kind way that helps the world. Maybe? But when I was in a situation like that, it wrecked my life, for years.
So I spoke up to answer the question, about age differences in relationships, saying something very different from what the other people were saying. All the other people were praising age differences.
Here’s a cleaned up version of what I said.
I was with a man who was 30 years older than I was, when I was young. It was really bad for me and exploitative. Even though I was an adult, he manipulated me and harmed me. I am disabled and see now that his behavior was reprehensible. The power dynamic was damaging and harmed my life for many years subsequent.
So I am really uncomfortable, with men especially, who harm young women, and a huge age gap can be a red flag. Of course it’s possible to do it in a healthy way, but so often, it’s selfishness, and other people have to pick up the pieces of the harm.
I went back and looked. People are raving about age differences–doing it with hot younger people, or hot older people. I’m amazed it’s so positive for them. But I can’t relate.
I think about power all day. There’s BDSM play, totally valid. But when power is unbalanced for reals, that can be life-destroying!
I checked again–yeah, I’m the only one talking about it. Am I really so strange a person? Maybe, huh! Well, you come here for something different, I hope. Love to all.