It was really smart, for you to love him. You used your brilliant mind, brilliant in your own unique way. To know him, hear every word he said and treasure each word like a fucking jewel.
You responded, met him where he was, cared about everything he said. You heard him literally and heard his truth beneath the words also.
His cute little dog, you cared for also, letting her into your heart. You didn’t need a dog in your life, but you loved her too, because she was central in his life.
You loved his house–you loved the art he made. In the night, you googled him and read interviews with him, agreeing with his ideas, cheering for his good answers, and admiring the pictures.
Each time he reached for you, you reached back. You gave him priceless consistency. When he touched you, your heart was open. You wrote poems for him, told him your dreams, asked him to be involved in your life. Trying to build a future with him, you invited him to everything.
When he needed housing, you offered him your guest room. When he needed a place to store his stuff, during a move that was supposed to be temporary, you allowed him to leave with you almost everything he owned.
To love is smart–your love in particular is brilliant. Attentive, responsive, alert, imaginative, creative love. All he could ask for and more.
boundary
Then, when for the second time, you saw through his dysfunction and manipulative selfishness, and you decided “that’s it,” your boundary was smart too. Talking about it with friends and a therapist, writing about him, and then cutting him off–you did exactly what you needed to do, to stop being hurt by him and get him out of your life.
Feeling your feelings, being gentle with yourself, caring for your body and mind as you grieved this guy. Accepting the struggle, you did so well. It’s like you’re a pro.
As a young person, you had zero examples of healthy relationship, and you had no idea how to break up with someone. So you built all those skills yourself, with careful thought and practice.
Thank you for doing that, for yourself and the people who love you. You’re brave and brilliant.
Please stop saying you’re stupid. I don’t see anything stupid you did. You’re not helping anyone, by beating yourself up. You should thank yourself and celebrate your victory. I suggest cake, music, and writing yourself a letter.
You’re a fucking victor,
Nest
