date

I know why I was scared of the date–that you would fall in love, get together, and this new girlfriend would hate me.  So she would ban you from talking to me, and I would get hurt and lose you.  Yikes.

I guess that’s pretty standard fear of new girlfriend entering the mix.  But that was a first date–I didn’t need to be that afraid that soon.  Or I don’t need to be afraid at all, because we would handle it, or we wouldn’t.

But here are some reasons I thought you might have, for being scared and canceling the date.  What’s true?

possible reasons

1. Run of the mill social anxiety.
2. Love makes you manic, and you were afraid of ending up in the hospital.
3. Afraid you could not be honest enough about your current situation and would hurt people.
4. Afraid this lady would not be good for you, and your life would get less stable, which you couldn’t handle.
5. More people, more problems.
6. She drinks / uses and you would end up doing those things with her and lose your sobriety.
7. Afraid bringing someone new deeply into your life would not be fair to her because of the difficult parts of your life that you blame yourself for–guilt and shame.
8. You can already tell–her problems and your problems wouldn’t get along.
9. She reminds you of someone you had a huge disaster with before.
10. Covid makes things too complicated.
11. Being vulnerable terrifies you.
12. Afraid she needs stuff you can’t give.
13. You turned it into a huge thing in your head and can’t reframe it.
14. You have too much to do already.

A date is full of expectations.  What if you were friends and could see where that went?

People are amazing, and you can connect and help one another in all sorts of ways.  If you could meet and get to know one another without date energy, and be more comfortable without date expectations, that might be way easier.  Just an idea.

I don’t really understand dating, but I love you and hope you can get what you need.  A supportive partner who brings out the best in you, helps you in your life projects, and who you can joyfully inter-depend with sounds fantastic.  Please move your life in a happy direction, with whatever friends, guides, loves, and miracles can join you.