disability and sexuality

I really like this organization, Disability and Sexuality Access Network.  I love disability, disabled people, disability justice, access.  Also, I’m curious about pain, illness, health done in an authentic way that actually helps, rights.  So many disabled people in this world, and we matter.  Our needs matter.

Then sexuality is so important to me too–being honest about sex, sexual desires, needs, differences.  The standard ways of monogamy don’t work for me.  I’ve never been able to do monogamy, though I’ve tried. It works way better for me to feel how I feel and communicate about it with everyone involved.

Also, I am queer.  Straightness doesn’t work for me at all, and gayness doesn’t either.  Bi-pan fluidness is all I can do.  I wish queerness was totally fine to everyone, but it’s amazing, how so many people are in a bubble, being ostensibly straight.  They enjoy the privilege of their normality.  Anyone non-straight is seen as immoral, promiscuous, suspect.  Weird–they seem back in time.  But they’re motivated to maintain their straight privilege, so that bullshit continues.

And I like BDSM and ways of doing sex that are intentional and sometimes like a performance or have a planned aspect that involves power exchange and consensual pain.  I never meant to start doing BDSM–it was on accident.  But as a healing modality and fun activity, it’s my favorite.


I kind of want a master’s degree in all of these things.  Disability and Sexuality Access Network is at the intersection of all of this, I think.  I’m still figuring out really what DASAN encompasses and doesn’t.

Personally I’m into justice and radicalness–going to the root, wanting huge change, freedom, and taking all of that into our own hands and beds as we can, DIY.  I think DASAN wants the same justice I want, but maybe more clothed in mainstream methods and styles.  I mean they might be more about policy and money than I am.  Probably it’s ok for me to be on the anarchy side.  Similar values, but expressed differently.

In some ways I’m a beginner about disability.  I’ve been disabled for a long time, but not in a way connected with other disabled people and making justice.  So I’m just learning about image descriptions, how to do accessible zooms, and other ways of caring for people who have disabilities different from mine.


There’s also the sexworker thing.  DASAN seems honest about sexwork in a refreshing way.  That sexwork is valid work, it happens and is ok, and sexworkers deserve rights, protection, respect, options.  I had a friend who did escorting, and another who makes porn.  But camming seems more and more common–I definitely have friends now, who do that.

But there’s some possible legal question, to some of that work–I remember that, with the escort work especially.  My friend who did that work was homeless and using some drugs to help her not get HIV from having sex without condoms.

Her life was difficult in too many ways.  Worrying about the legality was some stress she really didn’t need in her life.  It definitely seemed like puritanical bullshit, an excuse to blame the person trying to make money.  Blamey in general.  So moving culture toward rights and justice for sexworkers is important to me.

more, please

I’m happy DASAN exists.  I long for more education, advocacy, and justice around disability and sexuality.  Please consider joining or otherwise supporting this project.

You could donate, or there’s a store where you can buy stickers like this cool rainbow sex ed sticker featured in this post.

By Nest

Curious, disabled Earth Goddess, telling the truth.

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