I don’t have kids of my own, but I have niblings. They are teenagers. The eldest at least is queer. Someone asked me recently about supporting kids around sexuality.
The sex ed I got in school was worthless. I was mostly self-taught, about sexuality–before the internet too. I read a couple zines that were helpful. Independent publishing can be a good choice.
But supporting kids around sexuality is best done by example, in my experience. Being honest about my own sexuality is a great way to demonstrate that there’s nothing wrong with it.
I mention my own queerness–mention ex-girlfriends casually, as well as other genders of ex. I txt my niece a picture of my new queer bumper sticker. Sometimes I mention attending the bi-pan group at the local Center.
Being queer is normal. I have nothing to be ashamed of, with my queerness. No way am I going to hide it from anyone, but especially from those kids who need to hear it. They learn I’m queer, it’s ok, and I have a good life as a queer person. We all have options, and they’re going to be ok too.
Normalizing what’s valid and commonplace in a casual way seems a chill way to do it. Pointed conversations that have agendas can be anxious for all. I’d rather sprinkle my reality through everything I do.
disability and fatness
Disability is the same way. We don’t need a big intense talk about the disabilities that I live with. That could be ok, but I would rather mention my disabilities often. They come up, so why not.
Fatness too. I’m a fat person who loves my body and enjoys sexuality. Many people would like me to suffer and hate myself for my fatness, putting off life till I lose weight. They think I did wrong, becoming fat, so I should be miserable and punish myself into thinness with starvation, mean self-discipline, surgery, harm.
I’m not planning to lose weight, and every minute of my life is an opportunity for pleasure and joy.
Yeah, I’m modeling all the time–this is who I am. They can be like me or make other choices. Even if they chose a life I wouldn’t–trying to make a lot of money, have kids, big weddings, big houses–hopefully they can see my bravery. They might keep a little fragment of that bravery in their hearts. I can hold courage for them.
I’m not a loud person. Boldness can be quiet, which I like.
I feel lucky to know my niblings. It’s an honor to be close to different ages of people and learn a lot about humans and love them.