supporting kids around sexuality

I don’t have kids of my own, but I have niblings.  They are teenagers.  The eldest at least is queer.  Someone asked me recently about supporting kids around sexuality.

The sex ed I got in school was worthless.  I was mostly self-taught, about sexuality–before the internet too.  I read a couple zines that were helpful.  Independent publishing can be a good choice.

by example

But supporting kids around sexuality is best done by example, in my experience.  Being honest about my own sexuality is a great way to demonstrate that there’s nothing wrong with it.

I mention my own queerness–mention ex-girlfriends casually, as well as other genders of ex.  I txt my niece a picture of my new queer bumper sticker.  Sometimes I mention attending the bi-pan group at the local Center.

Being queer is normal.  I have nothing to be ashamed of, with my queerness.   No way am I going to hide it from anyone, but especially from those kids who need to hear it.  They learn I’m queer, it’s ok, and I have a good life as a queer person.  We all have options, and they’re going to be ok too.

Normalizing what’s valid and commonplace in a casual way seems a chill way to do it.  Pointed conversations that have agendas can be anxious for all.  I’d rather sprinkle my reality through everything I do.

disability and fatness

Disability is the same way.  We don’t need a big intense talk about the disabilities that I live with.  That could be ok, but I would rather mention my disabilities often.  They come up, so why not.

Fatness too.  I’m a fat person who loves my body and enjoys sexuality.  Many people would like me to suffer and hate myself for my fatness, putting off life till I lose weight.  They think I did wrong, becoming fat, so I should be miserable and punish myself into thinness with starvation, mean self-discipline, surgery, harm.

I’m not planning to lose weight, and every minute of my life is an opportunity for pleasure and joy.

modeling

Yeah, I’m modeling all the time–this is who I am.  They can be like me or make other choices.  Even if they chose a life I wouldn’t–trying to make a lot of money, have kids, big weddings, big houses–hopefully they can see my bravery.  They might keep a little fragment of that bravery in their hearts.  I can hold courage for them.

I’m not a loud person.  Boldness can be quiet, which I like.

I feel lucky to know my niblings.  It’s an honor to be close to different ages of people and learn a lot about humans and love them.