sex toys

Sex toys are not sex.  They’re physical objects that can facilitate sexual experiences, please, stimulate, stoke the imagination.  They can also harm.  Often they’re purchased, but I made a dildo out of wood, which is cool.

vibrators

Those big Magic Wand ones you plug into the wall–I had one long ago, used it only once.  I was like–yeow! 

My clit is a master of subtlety, I guess.  Felt like the Magic Wand was trying to kill me!  Pummeling my cunt into oblivion!  That was my first vibrator, I think.  Weird introduction.  I’d read great things about them.

I’ve had some cheap vibrators, simple ones.  Right now I only have that red one I showed you before.  It’s funny that I hated the color red, when I bought it.  But it was the right price range and shape for what I wanted.  Since then I’ve learned about red and like it as a valid color.

It’s ok!  That vibrator can be helpful sometimes, to help me come when a simple orgasm is what I’m looking for, and arm pain means I can’t rub myself very well.

Why do non-disabled people like vibrators?  I’ve heard some people learn to come, on a vibrator.  Maybe it’s just a different sensation, and they like variety.

Sometimes I think of vibrators as machines, and I think how I don’t want to have sex with a machine.  That’s a weird way to think about it. Nest, you are such a hippie.  I’m giggling at my own mind.

homemade

I had a dildo when I was young–I made it out of a stick of wood.  It was for tree worship and ritual sex.  I carved it.

It was eucalyptus, which was the most sacred kind of tree to me, at the time.  I kept it on my altar, and I came on it, a few times.  I guess that was ritual sex, ritual masturbation.  Felt good to come on the wood.  Actually I came around it–I slipped it inside of me, so my cunt could contract around it over and over, as I had an orgasm.

Trees are crazy-important, to me.  Having sex with living trees, actually living while rooted in the ground, is a very comforting fantasy, for me.  So to invaginate the wood was a profound pleasure.

I put a condom on it, to keep it clean.  Yeah, I’m that kind of witch–fucking myself with sacred tree parts, but putting a condom on the wood first, for the health of my cunt.  Don’t wanna mess around with cunt health.

oak interlude

My favorite kind of tree now is maybe oak, a desert scrub oak.  Those acorns are my joy.  Not huge and majestic, like the live oaks where I come from, but doing oak-ness in their own way.  Desert surprise.  Oak trees delight my soul.

Wow, I looked up Live Oak and am getting a tree boner for this California forest service pdf from 1983.  https://www.fs.fed.us/psw/publications/documents/psw_gtr071/psw_gtr071.pdf

Oh my god, look at this acorn pic.  Wouldn’t anyone get a tree boner for this?  Plant porn is so good.  Aaaah.

back

Back to sex toys.  Yeah, I’m not that into assplay.  My butt feels too vulnerable.  Pooping is cool; farting is ok with me.  Sitting is something I do a lot–very useful butt activity.

But sex with my butt, not so much.  Of course my butt is involved.  I could enjoy some smacks or to smack another’s.  Orgasm involves my cunt and butt, sensations down into my toes and my teeth.  All the nerves of my body.

I’m aware of my asshole.  But I don’t really want anyone messing with it.  Guess I’m not very ass-y.

butt beads

So I have no use for butt toys.  Long, long time ago, someone used butt beads on me.  He was into that–I was 20 years old and bad at saying no.  He put these butt beads into my ass, and I was like, uh, ok…?

The idea was that he would pull them out as I came, which was to create a new sensation that would thrill me.  I must have masturbated, and he pulled the butt beads out of me, at the appropriate moment when I came.

Definitely I felt the sensation.  He was self-congratulatory, proud of himself for bringing a new thing to me.

No, I was not grateful.  For me, a thing to be proud of would have been any of the following.

1. clear communication
2. consent
3. boundaries
4. honesty
5. if he’d actually listened to me
6. if he’d asked me what I wanted and helped me get that, rather than forcing his own agenda
7. kindness
8. respect
9. caution
10. consideration
11. room to be who I was

That’s what I like, personally.  Maybe him being such a jerk is partly why I don’t want my ass messed with.  Butt trauma.

clit suction

I’ve heard clit suction is not that great.  My friend ordered a device for that and made the device suck on my hand, one day.  I must have given her a look, because she told me she hadn’t used it, in any private places.

I’m giggling about the bad boundaries of that moment.  But that friend is sweet and kind, wanting what’s best for me, never wanting to hurt me.  She is a good person, and that error was minor.  Something to giggle about, rather than hold as harm.

I remember right after she made the device suck on my hand, I was like–wait.  Did you just make that device suck on my hand?  What was that feeling?

She is a good friend.  My trust for her is very deep.  Totally opposite of the butt beads guy.

toy pics

My friend I love dearly and would like to be the girlfriend of one day emailed me a pic of her sex toys.  She had set them out to photograph, that day she sent me pics of her porn too.

It was exciting to see her toys.  Wow, so many.  Those dildos looked huge.  Wooooow.  I marveled, stared, imagined, wanted, pondered, imagined some more.

It was sweet.  I like learning about her.   So much to love–the specifics, like the sex toys.  And then overall stuff, and the ineffable.