what I’m doing
I enjoy healing sexual trauma through love and BDSM. This blog documents love, sex, bright ideas, and BDSM enactment of past sexual trauma. Also there’s some smut in the form of erotica. And a ritual or two. The breast pics could be noted as well.
I started this blog to have a good place to put that long essay I wrote sexually responsible: how I invented ethics and learned how to love. It’s important to me, so I hope people read it, share it, learn from it, and feel validated at their own weird journey of inventing sexual ethics for themselves.
I put in photos, added subject headings to break it up into bite sized pieces, and worked on the SEO. Then I made a tumblr, twitter, and facebook, hoping more people would learn about the blog and read that essay.
I thought people might be hungry for the content. It’s what I needed to read long ago, and what helps me now. Seems clear and accurate. But it’s long, and there are not photos of people.
Popular is not my goal, so it’s ok if few people read it. Maybe a handful of people will read it and get helped. I’m learning all the time what other people need vs what I need. Conclusion: My needs can be kinda weird.
I shared the link with a new friend who got hurt by my writing. The way I talk about sex is not good for her. It’s strange how I can’t watch movies and get alarmed by the violence and suspense to the point of not being able to engage them.
But I talk about sex graphically in this blog, I guess? I didn’t realize it was graphic. And the BDSM can disturb people.
The BDSM I do honors the violence I endured. The BDSM isn’t making light of what happened to me or my ancestors. To me, BDSM is a sacred, beautiful, transformative spiritual practice.
Intentionally causing an extreme state is Advanced and so helpful to me. Working on my well-being and mental health with that intentionality is totally dear to me. Some difficult things happen in my head that I don’t feel in control of. So causing a strong reaction is a big deal–having some control over it, and doing all that for a specific result.
I love dirty. I have no problem with other people doing BDSM with other motivations. But pleasure through play-violence is not messing around, for me. I mean it’s some of the intense work I was put on Earth for and given a human body for. It’s like the community work I do, and other liberation work.
It reminds me of a controlled burn. It might look like an emergency, but hopefully it’s doing good. People call 911, but the authorities already know. No one needs to be concerned with the BDSM that I do, healing sexual trauma–I’m super good at it. And it’s part of the human experience for a reason.
As for words I use, some people don’t like cunt. To me, cunt is the holiest word I know. What can I do. I don’t feel at choice about that.
I like the one syllable. You probably came from one. You might have loved some, might have one of your own. I don’t mean to sound TERFy, but I’d worship cunts all day long. That’s the kind of witch I am.
I’d worship other body parts too. I don’t need cunt-worship specifically, but that’s my preference. I suck my spouse’s dick almost every day–I worship his dick all the time, with my mouth. But dicks in general, I’m not so sure about. Cunts in general–yes, please.
Speaking of witchery, I pray to my food. I pray to the moon, the sun, Venus. I pray to the universe, water, the sky. Plants, definitely. Clouds are my friends who come and go.
I pray to my ancestors. I pray to my own body. Honestly, I’m praying much of the time.
why I’m telling you this
Thought you might want some more background on me and why I’m writing this. A lot seems obvious to me that I forget I never explained. Thank you for caring about me and what I do, healing sexual trauma.