how I feel about erections

We were having sex.  He was standing by the bed, naked.  I was lying in the bed, mostly naked.

His erection was beautiful.  I touched his round tummy, his gorgeous arms, his pretty chest.  His nipples, his balls, his dick.  It was sticking out.  I felt the softness of his balls, and the ridges of his dick.

I was thinking about how mammal peni are designed, with that ridge, to remove some semen of the previous ejaculators.

That’s a good word–ejaculators.  I could call my next band Big Boner and the Previous Ejaculators.

multiplicity

Anyway, yeah, the thrust and pull back, thrust and pull back, removes some of the semen of the previous ejaculators.  So then when the current fucker ejaculates his load, he can have better odds of his sperm reaching an egg.

I remember when I was a young person and read that in a book.  It had never occurred to me, why peni have that shape.  It makes sense, but the implications are harrowing.  I realized, wow–some of that could be consensually multiple, but yikes, all the gang rapes, probably.

Like a group of marauding mallards, attacking the lone female, all having their go.  It’s brutal–it’s nature.  That can be a really disturbing thing to see, at a park.  Ducks are nasty.

That’s a bad example, as ducks aren’t mammals and don’t have the same penis shape.  But I mean the nastiness.

lock check

So then my love said he was going to make sure the front door was locked, and he went to the kitchen without putting on any clothes.

Then I was thinking how if someone we live with saw his penis just relaxed, that wouldn’t be too big a deal, but if they saw his erection, that would be extremely embarrassing.

I realized a relaxed penis and an erect penis are very different, to me.  A relaxed penis is just a regular body part, pretty much, while an erect one is kind of shocking, very vulnerable despite its violent potential, and very personal.

I explained how I feel and asked my love is he felt that way.  He said no–an erect or not erect penis is pretty similar to him.  I was surprised.

erection variety

Some men get an erection so easily, while some are slower to harden.  My love can get an erection from a look or a word.  Some people, it takes a village.  I’m sure there are good reasons for that–the variety of sizes and shapes, responsiveness, how quick someone is to ejaculate.

The first day I had sex with my sweetheart, he was driving us up the mountain.  We had the intention of doing it there, as I recall–not just a regular hike.  I told him, “I really wanted to have sex with you yesterday.”

He tugged at his pants, and I was confused.  I never knew someone who would get an erection so easily.

freedom

I remember previous partners, being possessive of what they did with their bodies, and even what they wanted and felt.  Back then I was perpetually scared and felt so much scarcity.

Now I’m a much happier person and have different priorities, better values.  I’m still jealous and can feel scared sometimes, but I really want my love to have a diversity of support and not to rely on me for everything.

Our relationship practices are not monogamy for sure, but not poly either.  We’re going our own path, and it’s mostly need-to-know.  Difference is mostly under our hats, though people make assumptions.  There’s sex and not-sex, but relationships are wonderfully complicated.  And whose business is it anyway, who’s fucking me or what any of us are doing in bed, really.  If kids arrive, or illness, that’s pertinent, but otherwise…

Long ago it felt horrifying, that a partner would have an erection for someone other than me!  Now my love could have an erection any time, can want anyone, can feel anything.  What he actually does is something he’s careful about, but we’re working toward more freedom.

dropping trou

He used to get naked with people, at a workshop now and then.  He bragged to me that he was the fastest at taking off his clothes, could disrobe in the blink of an eye.

The only thing that bothered me about this scenario was if he got an erection.  I imagined a sexual thought would cross his mind, and he’d be hard, and people would notice.

Or nakedly hugging naked friends–if he got an erection, wow, to me that would be a problem!  Does he really want to push an erection on people?  Would they hug carefully, in an arched way, to give room to the erection?  Or maybe they were all wanting one another anyway.

me

These are the things I think about, unfortunately.  I get erections hugging my friends pretty much by default.  But my own erections are smallish, my warm clit glowing in its cunty envelope, aching with love.  No one is really going to know unless I mention it or show them.

My love thinks my clit is cute, and he loves going down on a happy clit, licking generously.  He’s good at making me come–he’s stubbornly persistent.  So many times I’ve come on his tongue, struggling with the intensity and trying to be quiet, as my body is convulsing with overwhelmed joy.

Erections are my favorite, so awkward, so unsubtle and beautiful.  The explicit erection is like sculpture.  I have a lot to give.