ten favorite things about sex

Sex can help in so may ways.  Here are my ten favorite things about sex.

worship

I have a thing for the sacred–I can’t escape need for connection, communion, bodily holiness, contact with what I would call Mother God or the universe’s love.  The deep pleasure of knowing and being known in sexual pleasure–thrumming with joy and knowing my lover so dearly.  That’s what I live for.

embodiment pleasure

Letting my consciousness fill my entire body is a struggle.  I spent decades trying to be a head.

I remember an exercise I did, in a fat liberation group recently, feeling the length of my body.  It was almost painful, to try to feel my head and my feet at the same time.  I was crying because I’d never done that before.

Sex is a way to be who I am, letting my consciousness fill my body without a lot of effort.  Sex, yoga, maybe swimming and singing are the only times that ever happens, for me.

When an orgasm is flooding my body with joy, and I can feel it in my cunt, my teeth, my arching back, all the way down to my toes–I don’t need to try.

getting to know myself

I’m surprised by the fear I feel before orgasm, some fear of losing control.  Delicious conflict between wanting to let go, vs trying to be really quiet so people we live with won’t hear a moan or squeak of the bed.

My fantasies teach me what my mind is doing when I’m not looking.  The intensity of my need–how skilled I am at feelings and honesty.  How bad I want to be used or dominated by someone I trust, how glad I feel to receive my spouse’s hot semen down my throat.

Who is this vivid, extra-alive lady who is me?  I like who I am, and seeing myself change over the years also.

getting to know you

My spouse is so kind, kind enough to pull my hair when I want him to, force my head down on his dick as I gag, call me names, and use me, ramming himself into me, hurting me, at times.

His generosity is amazing.  I love learning what makes him come, learning what he likes, holding his hard dick in my hand for the three thousandth time, and still learning something new about how beautiful he is, where the head meets the shaft, and what his eyes look like when they roll back in his head.

It’s an honor, to know someone.  Sometimes I love a friend for a long time, and having sex with them, I’ll understand them in a totally different way.  Sexuality is where we store some secrets!

Sometimes I wish I could have sex with everyone.  It isn’t worth it, to do something so intense and transformative with everyone.  I can’t be casual, so I have to be careful about who I let in.  But wouldn’t that be amazing, to gather all that knowledge.

tension release

What a sweet way to relax, to come with my love, then cuddle until we fall asleep.  Or I’ll lie in bed thinking about someone I’m longing for, wishing I could sleep, unable to stop thinking about sex, then masturbate to get my body to change the subject.

Touching my own nipples in bed.  Rubbing my clitoris, imagining someone I love, letting my mind spin its stories almost like a dream, not controlling where my thoughts go, until I’m struggling to stay quiet and coming on my own hand.

creative life

Sex fuels my writing and gives a potent energy to art, dancing, even cooking, and is part of the life force I feel coursing through me.  I think about my queerness and how I could stop having sex with other humans for 20 years–I would still be maximum queer.

Sexuality is part of who I am and all I do.  My body is full of needs.  I’m ready to learn its lessons; that’s why I’m here on Earth being who I am.

bonding

We used to have makeup sex, and I remember him getting an erection toward the end of an argument.  His dick wanted that, and my cunt did too.

Lately, I think of sex bonding as when we’ve been stressed and busy for a few days.  Then finally the stars align, and we’re together in bed, both awake and horny.  I’m begging for something, he’s fucking the shit out of me, or he seems to like more than usual the way I’m blowing him.  It’s just so good to finally relax in this special way.

I slow down and make him want it for longer, getting off on his deep longing.  “Are you frustrated?” I ask, delaying his orgasm.

“No,” he says.  “Feels great.”

I like when he says he’s going to come, and then I don’t let him.  When I try not to let him, and he ejaculates anyway, his semen streaming out stubbornly, his eyes closed.  I feel spasm after spasm in my hand or mouth, or between my tits, where he was just fucking me, and his semen covers the slippery place where the lube let his dick slide on me.

animal history

A lot of people seem to think sex is new, that their generation generated it.  But probably people have been doing it for a long time.  And animals too.

I like being in those families.  Millions of years of sex, a vast animal history.  I can’t be kicked out of the house–the animal kingdom is a trustworthy home for me.

Feeling good by letting myself do a physical thing so basic is a wanted break from the cerebral work I do all day.  I like shifting into another mode.  I’m a mammal, with hormones, nerves, softness, desire, memories, fears, and all my needs pertinent.

healing trauma

I enjoy healing trauma from old sexual violence by reenacting it in a safe way.  It’s intense and beautiful.

to feel powerful

A favorite way to use power during sex is the power over another, loaned to me, to use beneficently for the good of all.  Feels different, to control a scene, different when I’m the one pushing it.

I also enjoy topping from the bottom, making someone make me do something.  Enacting a fantasy I’ve had since childhood, or a new one my brain just spit out, without being asked.

Making someone come feels powerful, or allowing myself to feel something so big as orgasm, when it’s difficult to be vulnerable.

My cunt is muscular and generous, holding the power of love, and maybe even life itself, symbolically if not biologically.

yes

What do you like sex for?  I don’t want to get pregnant, submit to anyone or dominate anyone in a non-play way, perpetuate heteronormativity, or otherwise harm anybody.

I want to celebrate love and who I am, and fill my life with all the orgasms my body can take.

“Yes, love is free; it can dwell in no other atmosphere. In freedom it gives itself unreservedly, abundantly, completely. All the laws on the statutes, all the courts in the universe, cannot tear it from the soil, once love has taken root.”  —Emma Goldman