We did the ritual last night; my friend mentioned it was a new moon. It was beautiful. I was unprepared for the intense emotions.
My favorite part was being in ritual space and a sexy space at the same time. He lit the candle. We added a couple things, like we sang a Mother song at the beginning, together in Sanskrit.
I was surprised he had an erection from the beginning. I was holding onto his dick the whole time. His hard dick in my hand comforted me. I felt safe through the intense emotions, his erection helping me feel grounded.
What a treat, the chocolate he put in my mouth. I liked when he anointed my nipples with rose oil–that part, I was very moved and aroused at the same time, whimpering. It could have lasted a lot longer.
I love how he spoke all the words; all I said was “I do.” Usually when we have sex, I speak the words. I didn’t know I would enjoy holding onto my silence and just experiencing everything, having it done to me, honored with kindness.
I wrote all the words, but the way he spoke them changed them. The words coming from his body enlivened them.
The sex part, he stood by the bed and touched my cunt, rubbed my clitoris, watched me by candlelight, and loved me to orgasm, watched the whole process until I came for him, thrashing on the bed, but holding onto his dick the whole time.
Then he was on his knees between my legs, masturbating as I rested and was very present with him. I felt his semen spurt onto my thigh and was happy, as he was overwhelmed with emotions also.
Woke up to thunder rumbling. I feel different in my body–taller. Rituals are good for changing something. Emotions moved through that might have been stuck, intentions clarified, prayers shared.
It was raining hard for a minute. I was standing outside around 4:45 am, under the eve, surprised by the strong petricore smell. Ready to be a person. The world seems more possible to live in.