me: do you respect me?
him: I love you.
me: but do you respect me? always?
me: is love a type of respect? or are they separate?
me: I want you to worship me.
him: I do.
me: no, I mean formally. worship the hell outta me, then fuck the shit outta me. does that sound good?
me: I want you to put me in the goddess seat. I’m going to write the ritual. is that ok?
When I looked up respect, it said respect is esteem or admiration based on the perception of positive qualities. I disagree–the definition feels different to me.
I see respect as something I want to hold for all people, regardless of qualities. But then the special personal respect, respect I want my spouse to have for me, is about integrity.
I respect someone with an extra special respect when I see they have integrity. It has to do with honesty, compassion, when values and behavior match, generosity, kindness, sticking to values even when that’s difficult. Not just falling over when slightly pushed.
Steadiness is good. Erratic, flakey people seem to lack integrity, as I can’t rely on them. Integrity means, yeah, I can rely on someone because they’re real. It’s not a facade of strategic goodness performance. Something actual is behind the surface.
If this is a sex blog, why am I talking about integrity? Probably I find integrity the sexiest thing on earth. Integrity plus creativity plus physical contact pleasure, and Bob’s your uncle. I’m there, in love, panting.
trans queer freedom
Then again, I saw a picture of my newish dude-friend wearing a skirt, doing performance art, and said, “Oh my God.”
“What?” my spouse asked.
“That’s it–that’s all she wrote. I’m done for,” I said, and described the picture to my spouse. He recognized that gender play is likely to activate my love also, love possibilities, if other conditions are right.
Dude in a skirt is my favorite type of dude. If you must be a guy, please do it in a better way. Gender anarchy.
My spouse uses he pronouns and is usually read as a man, but he’s nonbinary. His trans queerness is freedom. I find that extremely relaxing.
Freedom is so relaxing because I can let my hair down and be who I am so luxuriously, at any rate, with any style.
I need trans queer freedom. Leave your rules at the door. This is a gender anarchy household.